Good Kids Also Need Support From A Caring Adult

Yesterday I was sitting with a group of kids over at the Bill Wilson Center shelter filming some background shots for a short film about our services. Because we protect the identity of our shelter kids, we asked for volunteers to bring in their own kids to stand in for our clients. We were having a great time talking and shooting pool…I think I was winning, when too soon the group background filming was over. The last filming was to be a shot of me sitting and talking with one of the kids. To make the scene appear believable, I asked the girl how she was getting along with her mom these days. Suddenly I was listening to her story of how she wished she received more attention from her parents, who seemed to focus most of their time on her younger brother who was always in trouble.

At that moment, I realized how little time it takes to ask a young person how she is feeling, and then to just sit and listen. She wasn’t really expecting any answers from me – she just wanted someone to hear what she was saying. She was feeling invisible because she was the good kid who did not cause problems. At the end of the filming we got up and I gave her a hug and wished her luck.

The Search Institute has developed 40 assets that it believes all children need to thrive. Connecting to a caring adult other than a family member is one of the identified assets. Youth organizations and schools throughout the country have embraced the concept of kids needing protective “assets” to grow. This is one of Bill Wilson Center’s core values to connect all young people to the community so they can become productive adults.

A Kid Shouldn’t Need a Mental Health Diagnosis to Get Help

It seems like we spend a lot of time these days diagnosing our kids. We know teenagers can be frustrating and difficult, but does every rowdy boy really have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)? If a young person is in foster care or juvenile hall the system scrutinizes them for a variety of disorders such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Bi-Polar, Depression, and on and on. I would be depressed, too, if I were locked up in juvenile hall! And, unfortunately, funding for mental health services often adds to the problem – if you want counseling and have Medi-Cal you need a mental health diagnosis.

In the 1970s, many kids ended up in mental hospitals or secure facilities because they were out of their parents’ control and the parents paid for a mental illness diagnosis. As a young advocate, I joined others in changing the federal and state laws so that kids were not placed in detention solely for being a runaway or truant. However, parents often skirted the law by getting their kid diagnosed with a mental illness and having them committed to a mental institution where a young person under 18 had no rights to a fitness or competency hearing like adults had. The parents were often desperate but the kids were powerless. As a different, more “kinder” approach, runaway youth centers such as Bill Wilson House sprang up across the nation and the Federal Runaway and Homeless Youth Act became the law in 1974. These programs brought kids and parents together to work out their problems and teach them the skills to prevent future crises.  This is an example of Bill Wilson Center’s “lease restrictive environment” guiding principle.

Today the funding limit from the Federal Runaway and Homeless Youth Act (maximum grant of $200,000) is a fraction of the needed funding to operate runaway centers. Shelters must pull in private funding as well as local government funds to keep the doors open. Medi-Cal was always an option for runaways with mental health problems but most centers shied away from the funding due to its bureaucratic paperwork and stigma it placed on kids. On the other hand, there were many homeless kids with serious mental illness not getting treated. After much debate, Bill Wilson Center joined the ranks of other runaway programs and began accepting Medi-Cal in 2007. I will be blogging off and on about the impact of Medi-Cal and its implications on our services.

Building Connections

Building Connections is the new tagline for Bill Wilson Center, a nonprofit, social services agency with so many services it is hard to put them all in one category.   We asked staff and volunteers, what was one theme that went through every one of our 14 programs?  what surfaced over and over again was that we work with kids and families going through difficult transitions.  We help homeless youth, stressed-out parents, grieving relatives, alcoholics, drug addicts — you name it — build lasting connections to the community.   It all sounds simple enough, but in a fast-moving world like Silicon Valley, finding connections can be illusive.

Research from the Search Institute shows that kids who made the successful transition to become healthy, productive adults had supportive adults in their lives other than their parents or relatives.  They could name a mentor — a neighbor, a coach, or a teacher — who played a significant role in their lives.   We help families and teens identify and develop these links to their community.

The next time you pass a teenager on the street say. “hello”.  You can make a difference in a young person’s day.   Join us in “building connections”.