Denny’s Grand Slam and N.E.R.F.s — Jesse Goes Home

On Monday Jesse left Bill Wilson Center’s shelter and went to his new home.  Jesse has been someone I have been following closely because of a Federal monitoring visit soon after he arrived and a speech I made at our annual building dreams luncheon.

A little bit about Jesse (not his real name).  The 15-year-old boy came to us 3 months ago after a “dine and dive” incident at a local Denny’s.  Jesse had gone out to eat with some friends and decided to run out on the bill.  The manager caught them and called the police.  While the other kids were picked up by their parents from juvenile hall, Jesse’s mom did not want him back.  Bill Wilson Center was called and we took him into our shelter.  After calling his mom we soon learned that she had a life-long drug and alcohol problem and was now homeless, living with friends.  Jesse was often hungry.  Jesse was out of her control.

When Federal monitors reviewed Jesse’s chart they claimed that he did not meet the funding criteria for being homeless under the Federal Runaway and Homeless Youth Act because he had been charged with a crime.  He belonged to the juvenile justice system not our runaway program.  We disagreed and prevailed the next day.  A few days later I shared this story with our 600 guests at our annual fund-raising luncheon.  By then we had gotten the court to drop the charges on Jesse, and the county social services agency had agreed to place him with us as an emergency foster care placement.  The future was looking brighter.

While working with Jesse on his issues with anger and school performance, staff at the Bill Wilson Center convinced his mom to sign herself into residential drug treatment.  She has a long way to go before she is well, but Jesse is visiting her twice a week.  Now the question of where Jesse could go live.  It looked like a long-term placement in a group home may be the only option.

With the County Social Services Agency taking the lead, a TDM (Team Decision Making) meeting was arranged.   The purpose of the meeting was to bring all Jesse’s family and adult friends together to brain-storm on where he could live.  Santa Clara County follows the youth permanency model which focuses on placing kids with family members not in foster care.  The State of California Department of Health and Human Services has several best practice initiatives listed that describes the Family Finding model used to track down Jesse’s family contact.  At the TDM meeting Jesse’s “cousin” stepped up and asked Jesse to live with her.  Jesse has known this family his entire life and was close to her three young children.  A social worker described his cousin as a N.E.R.F.  – Not Even Related Family.  The cousin listed her rules that Jesse had to abide by and he agreed.  Jesse had his new home!

Again, with the help of many others, Bill Wilson Center reunited a homeless youth with family.  Jesse will continue to come to Bill Wilson Center for group and individual counseling in aftercare.  He will continue visitation with his mom and we will be there to provide family support when needed.  Jesse was so happy when he left to live with his new family. Jesse finally got a real grand slam!

13-Year-Olds Dealing with Death and Graduation

Last week my 13-year-old son’s teacher did not show up to school Monday morning.  Staff from the school went to his house and found the 35-year-old teacher dead on the floor with no apparent cause.  Mr. Brian Hegarty was a well-liked teacher who had completed his doctorate and chose to stay with St. Clare School even though he could have earned more money elsewhere.  He was looking forward to becoming principal of the school in the fall.

Bill Wilson Center was called that morning to bring grief counselors on the campus to help support the teachers, staff, and students. We immediately sent staff from our Centre for Living with Dying program which was followed by other counseling staff.   I arrived to find the principal meeting with one of our counselors going over information on how to break the news to the teachers and then the students.  “When Death Impacts Your School”  is a document we have developed that takes excerpts from the books, Helping the Grieving Student: A Guide for Teachers and When Death Impacts Your School: A Guide for School Administrators to share with school personnel on what to do in this situation.  Teachers were told during their lunch break and had 20 minutes to grieve and process the news before they had to tell their students.  St. Clare School of only 330 students is a close community – everyone knew the gentle and kind Mr. Hegarty who stood on the same corner every morning and greeted each student by name.

 I went with the principal and one of our counselors to break the news to the 8^th graders who were preparing to graduate in 4 days.  How do you tell 31 kids that their young and healthy teacher has just died?  Kathy Almazol, the principal, told them succinctly and with limited emotion so that the students weren’t overwhelmed.  A collective sob from 31 students burst out.  It was heart-breaking.

 The students lit a candle that I had with me for the occasion in Mr. Hegarty’s memory.  A large banner was placed outside the classroom where students and former students wrote notes to their beloved teacher.  Parents were sent an email about the loss and parents began to arrive not sure if they should take their children home or let them console each other.  All the 8^th graders agreed that they needed to get out of the classroom – too much in there reminded them of Mr. Hegarty.  They gathered around the lunch picnic tables sharing stories about Brian, still in a state of shock.

 That night a Facebook memorial page for Mr. Hegarty was started and within hours had two hundred members.  Current and former students wrote notes about him.  Some wrote poems.  It was another gathering place for students to mourn.  .  Eighth graders were told that the Wednesday night graduation dinner dance and Thursday graduation would go on as planned.

 I came back to school on Tuesday to support the school and to see if I could help. Our counselors were busy at another school Gunn High School  where a second suicide by a student was being processed.   One parent came up to me and ask, “are you here as a parent or grief counselor.”   Whether by choice or circumstance I was both. 

 By Wednesday evening the 8^th graders were beginning to get back into the spirit of graduation.  After all, Mr. Hegarty would have wanted them to celebrate.  The parents and kids were dressed up and the 7^th graders began serving dinner.  After, the kids enjoyed the dance and had a brief time to enjoy themselves as they should.

 One of the celebrants that night was Lu Guidici, the former second grade teacher who had taught the 8^th graders before retiring.  She was a real character often wearing sparkling clothing.  That night she left the dance with a couple of parents.  Something happened and Lu slipped and hit her head on the cement stairs.  Students were asked to stay inside until an ambulance could arrive.  Some left by the side door after being told it was not serious.

 However, most kids knew something was up.  The texting continued into the night and my son knew that his best friend’s mom was at the hospital until 1 am.  The next day I spoke with the principal and found out the head wound was very serious and death was eminent.

Should the 8^th graders be told about the death of their second grade teacher or should it wait until after their graduation that night?  Ms. Guidici died soon after.  Ms. Almazol spoke with the students at the end of the day and only told them the news after a student asked how Ms. Guidici was.

 I braced myself for the new wave of grief but this time it didn’t come.  Most students had already processed that she was going to die and others just could grasp the fact that another person had died in their lives.  How much grieving can one school and class take? 

 That night 31 students graduated and celebrated the life of their teacher and making the transition to high school.  The next morning the students greeted the mourners at the funeral mass for Mr. Hegarty.  The students will forever be connected with the shared experience of grief and graduation.

10 and 11 Year Old Kids Do Not Belong in Juvenile Hall

This past weekend a friend of mine was cleaning out her garage and came across an article written by J. Edgar Hoover, Director of the FBI, from the January 1955 edition of The American Magazine.  “You Can Help Stop Juvenile Crime”  urged readers to help stop the juvenile crime wave by returning to family values and religion.  He reported that one out of 18 youth between the ages of 15 and 17 were delinquent and if the trend continued there would be a huge population of delinquents in the 1960s.   I guess we all know what happened to those youth from the 60s!  I found the article interesting because the examples he gave of the delinquents were kids who were 13, 10 and even 9-years-old – very young kids.  He blamed the crime wave on the media for “debunking moral codes and standards of adult conduct.”

Yesterday I met with leaders from the Santa Clara County Social Services Agency and the Probation Department to discuss where very young offenders (under age 13) could be sent when home wasn’t an option and Juvenile Hall wasn’t appropriate.  The meeting was in response to a San Jose Mercury News  article that uncovered that a 10 year old was put in juvenile hall with his 11 and 12 year old siblings in February 2009 for 4 days for allegedly molesting a younger sibling.  The charges were later dropped but members of the County Board of Supervisors requested an alternative be put in place to prevent very young children being jailed with older offenders.  Bill Wilson Center works with young offenders and youth out of control (status offenders) so I volunteered to accept young offenders into our shelter and temporary foster homes.  Our goal is to reunite kids with their families and to provided needed services to prevent future delinquency.

Although juvenile crime rates are down substantially from the mid 90s there is much discussion lately that kids are committing more serious crimes at a younger age.  The Federal Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention tracks the numbers of crimes and has studied this issue.  The crimes younger kids are committing follows the same crimes older kids are involved with so there is no unusual trend.  In fact, juvenile crime for all ages have decreased since 1995.

Bill Wilson Center’s philosophy is to treat kids in the least restrictive setting.  Our foster homes and shelter provide services in a home-like setting where kids get the family, individual and group counseling they need to make the successful transition back home.   Most kids do not need to be locked up in Juvenile Hall and would be better served in community programs that will involve the family and provide treatment.  Placing 10-year-old kids who commit crimes they don’t fully understand in an institution designed for holding youth who are a danger to society can only make matters worse.  92% of the youth graduating from our residential program do not commit new offenses.  We will continue to speak out for the kids who don’t have anywhere to turn to for help.

Good Kids Also Need Support From A Caring Adult

Yesterday I was sitting with a group of kids over at the Bill Wilson Center shelter filming some background shots for a short film about our services. Because we protect the identity of our shelter kids, we asked for volunteers to bring in their own kids to stand in for our clients. We were having a great time talking and shooting pool…I think I was winning, when too soon the group background filming was over. The last filming was to be a shot of me sitting and talking with one of the kids. To make the scene appear believable, I asked the girl how she was getting along with her mom these days. Suddenly I was listening to her story of how she wished she received more attention from her parents, who seemed to focus most of their time on her younger brother who was always in trouble.

At that moment, I realized how little time it takes to ask a young person how she is feeling, and then to just sit and listen. She wasn’t really expecting any answers from me – she just wanted someone to hear what she was saying. She was feeling invisible because she was the good kid who did not cause problems. At the end of the filming we got up and I gave her a hug and wished her luck.

The Search Institute has developed 40 assets that it believes all children need to thrive. Connecting to a caring adult other than a family member is one of the identified assets. Youth organizations and schools throughout the country have embraced the concept of kids needing protective “assets” to grow. This is one of Bill Wilson Center’s core values to connect all young people to the community so they can become productive adults.

Remembering a 17-Year-Old Runaway Who Died Alone

Tamara Thompson, a 17-year-old resident of Mountain View, was killed last Monday night in Oakland, after being sexually assaulted. (San Jose Mercury News, 4/04/09). Police are investigating it as a homicide. The girl had been in the Santa Clara County Juvenile Ranch but was allowed to visit home on weekends. Unfortunately, four weeks ago she ran away, perhaps to hook up with a boyfriend in Oakland.

I hope Tamara’s life and death aren’t soon forgotten. I never met Tamara nor was Tamara ever seen at the Bill Wilson Center. However, we see many like Tamara every year – a girl with hopes and dreams who somehow got off track and ended up in Juvenile Hall.

Recently, we moved our Quetzal House program to Mountain View. This program works with troubled girls like Tamara. We also have two host family homes that can also shelter runaways. I only hope the next Tamara is sent our way before being sentenced to the County Juvenile Ranch. Often juvenile probation and the court are quick to order girls to the secure Ranch rather than seek alternatives in the community. Probation staff systematically send girls off to the Ranch without seeking community alternatives first.

Once allowed back home these girls often revert back to old patterns unless other help is provided for them in their home communities. When Tamara was allowed to visit home on the weekends, she did what many girls do – she took off to visit a boyfriend. The consequence for this action was steep — once she spent a night away from home she was in violation of her court order and a warrant was issued for her arrest. She would have known this and most likely was afraid to return to be locked up in Juvenile Hall. So, instead, she stayed on the run, far enough away from the local authorities. Oakland is not safe for girls on the run.

I wish Tamara knew to call Bill Wilson Center or the Status Offenders Services Network. We would have arranged to pick her up and have her stay at our youth shelter. I hope her probation officer and the supervisors from the Ranch will remember Tamara. The Chief Probation Officer should call a group together to review her situation and see if something different could have been done for her.

Preventing Poverty While We Are Ending Poverty

Bill Wilson Center’s long-range vision is to prevent poverty.   Yesterday I was part of a discussion with other homeless housing providers on how we can end poverty in Santa Clara County.   Catholic Charities is launching an effort to reduce poverty in Santa Clara County by 50% by the year 2020.  Bill Wilson Center is part of this movement.  City of San Jose officials through the Destination: Home Program have committed to end chronic homelessness by funneling more resources to that population.  Both have joined forces to help end one of the more vexing problems in San Jose and Santa Clara County: getting the chronic homeless population into housing.

Bill Wilson Center provides supportive and housing services to homeless youth and youth aging out of foster care and other institutions.  By federal definition, this population does not fit the “chronic homeless” category.  Neither do seniors living on a fixed income at the poverty level, or women who are victims of domestic violence living in emergency shelters.  While nonprofit agencies serving these groups applaud the effort to end chronic homelessness they are concerned that limited resources may be redirected away from their services.  How do we assure that we prevent poverty by serving youth, seniors, and victims of domestic violence and at the same time end poverty by housing the chronic homeless?

I believe we can do both, however, we need representation from various groups to be at the leadership level on Destination: Home when funding and policy decisions are being made.  Up to now, the Blue Ribbon Commission to End Chronic Homelessness and Destination: Home have only representation from public officials, foundations, United Way, and private corporations.   The nonprofit representation has been only at the coalition level.

The argument for not including individual nonprofit representation on the leadership groups has been that one nonprofit cannot represent another.  This is the same argument that occurs throughout the United States from the city to the state level.   If one city can represent all cities on the leadership or executive level why can’t the same occur for a nonprofit agency?  If we are to end poverty we need to start including the agencies that are on the ground floor doing the work.  In the nonprofit field we have been choosing leaders to represent our issues on numerous collaborations for many years.

A second common argument for not including nonprofit representation is that funding decisions may be made by the leadership group and an agency may steer funds their way.  Policies and procedures can be put in place to assure no “self-dealing” takes place.

Housing providers serving the chronic homeless and nonprofits working with homeless youth, victims of domestic violence, or other “non-chronic homeless” populations need to be represented at all decision-making levels  to prevent poverty while we are ending it.    Bill Wilson Center will continue advocating for connecting all young people to the community with the necessary resources to prevent poverty.  That includes speaking out for more inclusive public policy.

A Kid Shouldn’t Need a Mental Health Diagnosis to Get Help

It seems like we spend a lot of time these days diagnosing our kids. We know teenagers can be frustrating and difficult, but does every rowdy boy really have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)? If a young person is in foster care or juvenile hall the system scrutinizes them for a variety of disorders such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Bi-Polar, Depression, and on and on. I would be depressed, too, if I were locked up in juvenile hall! And, unfortunately, funding for mental health services often adds to the problem – if you want counseling and have Medi-Cal you need a mental health diagnosis.

In the 1970s, many kids ended up in mental hospitals or secure facilities because they were out of their parents’ control and the parents paid for a mental illness diagnosis. As a young advocate, I joined others in changing the federal and state laws so that kids were not placed in detention solely for being a runaway or truant. However, parents often skirted the law by getting their kid diagnosed with a mental illness and having them committed to a mental institution where a young person under 18 had no rights to a fitness or competency hearing like adults had. The parents were often desperate but the kids were powerless. As a different, more “kinder” approach, runaway youth centers such as Bill Wilson House sprang up across the nation and the Federal Runaway and Homeless Youth Act became the law in 1974. These programs brought kids and parents together to work out their problems and teach them the skills to prevent future crises.  This is an example of Bill Wilson Center’s “lease restrictive environment” guiding principle.

Today the funding limit from the Federal Runaway and Homeless Youth Act (maximum grant of $200,000) is a fraction of the needed funding to operate runaway centers. Shelters must pull in private funding as well as local government funds to keep the doors open. Medi-Cal was always an option for runaways with mental health problems but most centers shied away from the funding due to its bureaucratic paperwork and stigma it placed on kids. On the other hand, there were many homeless kids with serious mental illness not getting treated. After much debate, Bill Wilson Center joined the ranks of other runaway programs and began accepting Medi-Cal in 2007. I will be blogging off and on about the impact of Medi-Cal and its implications on our services.

Extending Foster Care to Age 21 — Erasing the Reagan Years

Yesterday California legislators vowed to extend foster care to age 21 by introducing Assembly Bill 12 that would match federal funding, thus enabling foster parents to receive financial support for youth beyond age 18.  Everyone was celebrating after a report from universities of Washington and Chicago proved what was a no-brainer to most of us, that young people do better if they can stay home and attend college until age 21.

Forcing foster kids to leave home at age 18 is actually the result of the Reagan years when welfare was limited and foster care greatly reduced.  In the mid 70s kids could stay in foster care until age 20 if they were enrolled in college.  Many foster kids stayed home and attended community college until the benefits ran out.  That all changed with one of many reorganizations of the federal welfare system.  Foster care changed and the payments ended at age 18.

One of the many problems with foster care funding is that is has always been tied to Welfare programs.  While the general public supports funding foster care they often do not support general welfare programs for adults.   The unfortunate joining of the two programs has brought down the safety net for foster care over the past two decades.   One example is the increase of foster home payment to foster parents which has remained extremely low in California.  The first budget increase eliminated every year is to welfare recipients which includes foster parents.

The government is beginning to address the problems of foster youth by introducing programs to support kids aging out of foster care.  AB 12 would take an additional step by increasing foster care coverage to age 21.  As the recent study by Chapin Hall on foster youth in California college programs points out, kids still struggle with graduating from college even with support.   Most worry about housing after college and financial support when the aid runs out.   There is no home for these young adults to return to after leaving school.  Many of them report a sense of deep isolation.   We have a long way to go before we build lasting connections to the community for these high risk young people.  With the community’s support, Bill Wilson Center will continue to work hard at building connections to our community for youth leaving foster care.

Our Best Practice — No Fail Philosophy When Serving Kids

Sorry, but I am really getting a bit tired of folks using terms such as “best practices” or “promising practices” or “evidence based” to be describing how we should be serving kids at our runaway shelter or counseling center.   Don’t get me wrong, I am all for studying what works and what doesn’t in youth services.

We all can give examples of tons of money going to programs that just don’t work — remember “Scared Straight“?  The government poured millions into a program that took kids to prisons to talk to prisoners to scare them into staying away from a life of crime.   There were all kinds of testimonials from kids after leaving the prisons about how they were never going to end up there.  The media loved the program.  Only problem was after studying the program the research showed that it did not have any long term affect with keeping kids out of jail.   Of course, sometimes we just like to keep funding programs for other reasons — like D.A.R.E. My son went through this program when he was in 5th Grade.  the Drug Abuse Resistance Education program usually taught by Community Relations Specialists with Police Departments has shown to have no long term impact on whether kids use drugs later in life.  Here is one of many studies debunking the program.   However, the research did show that kids felt better about police officers after the training.

At Bill Wilson Center, we have been using many of the current “best practices” but we just call them by different names.  For example, when serving chronic runaway and homeless youth in our shelter we have a “no fail” philosophy.  I often like to say that programs fail, not kids.   Anyone who has been around teenagers know that they need to test limits and break rules.  Youth who have been living on the street for a long time are used to people turning them away for breaking rules.  Sometimes a “no fail” rule is tough on staff — they have to be trained and learn how to use other consequences to work with difficult kids.  However, our research shows that kids rank our staff very high because we make them feel like part of a family.  This best practice seems pretty obvious — if you keep trying sooner or later you and the kid will get it right!

Teenager is a Negative Word

Young people, that is what Glynis Shea, Communications Coordinator for the Division of Adolescent Health at the University of Minnesota suggested to a group of nonprofit CEOs that we call teenagers if we want to appeal to the vast majority of Americans.  I recently attended an all day workshop on public relations for youth serving agencies.  Her presentation was  great although I was totally surprised by some of her research on kids (not such a negative word).  Apparently, there have been numerous studies and focus groups with ordinary citizens on how they feel when they hear certain words relating to young people.  When groups were asked how they felt about the word “teenager” many stated they equated the word with juvenile delinquents, kids out of control, troubled kids, and on and on.   Add terms like “at-risk,” “abused,” or “street” and the negative feelings were even stronger.   It seems like it was either the kids’ or the parents’ fault for their problems or situation.  So, instead of using the word “teenager” we should try more neutral words such as kids and youth in our brochures and newsletters.   Gosh, just when my 13-year-old son was so proud that he could now be called a teenager!  Below is a link to her interesting work on adolescents at the University of Minnesota and selling youth development.

http://www.moappp.org/Documents/events/2006/framenotes2.pdf